Blah blah..Oh look!! Something adorable!

I keep telling myself to sit down with my laptop, get comfortable, and write a damn blog entry. Then I convince myself that its pointless to do so since I have nothing to write about. And yet here I am. Writing about nothing. Rambling about...nothing.

Well, since April 30th, I've gone on vacation, worked as much as fucking corporate will allow me, did housewifey things (a girl has gotta practice), gardened, went to the county fair, made homemade pickles, and canned potatoes. Interesting huh? Its not, I know.

Oh!! I just thought of something! Last night, while drinking at the bar with some friends, I came to realize that I'm  extremely dirty, and yet adorable and innocent. Example; We're discussing porn, sex, and curing women's "Hysteria" during the Victorian age (cause we're dirty-minded history nerds). I turn and see a puppy-dog. Mid-sentence, I transform into the girliest 10 year old ever. The estrogen knob is turned up to 11 (kek), and I exclaim "Look at the puppy!" in such a high bitch squeal that the said puppy's ears would bleed. Which would be super sad, mind you. Puppy is fine, don't worry. It was a block away. Maybe this is why my 12 year old puppy is deaf now...hmm...   Back to my story! Immediately after my outburst, with no segueway, I return to the current subject of sex and prostution in Antient Greece. To much amusement of my friends. My closest friends are used to this, but still entertained by it all.

I have no real ending to that story. Saw a few more doggies, above reaction was repeated.

Next week: The County Fair and Deep Fried Deliciousness

St. Valentines Day

Also known as; buy me some flowers, gimmie something shiny, maybe some candy, and a nice dinner...you might get some pussy. (The real thing)

Hell, it would work on me. But the man prolly got pussy from me last night, and will get some tomorrow just because I like to give it up. This year no pussy will be had. Instead I went out with my girl, got some Indian food, flirted with the waiter, did some bar hoppin, saw a band, chilled at a friends house and fell asleep around 3am. I'd say it didn't totally suck. I would have enjoyed ending the night with a boy, but my newly named Doc Johnson toy, Jacques, will do just fine. God damn do I love that thing.

Enjoy your Sunday all. Have a sexy pic =)

Happy Hump Day #7

Do I really have to tell you again how much I hate retail? I think not.

Its Wednesday y'all. Hump day. Actually its almost over...get your hump on before it's over! It's all downhill until Friday. Then it'll drag by like Christmas eve when you were 5 years old. I will not be getting my hump on. I will be posting this entry, watch some basic cable, use Gino, and go to bed.

Its been a crazy week. And not in a fun way. Last night I was messin on the intertubes and found these. Pretty much made it all better. That it my gal-pal sending me this ringtone. I almost pissed myself laughing.

So silly, cracks my shit up.

Can't deny the truth.

But I do...and you prolly do. Geek.

And my favorite one of the night...

You're welcome.

Miss me?

Yes, I know, I'm a horrible blogger. Have you been pondering what I've been up to? Well; work, work, sleep, masturbate, Vikings, running away, coming back, hopeless devotion, daydreaming, eat, work, masturbate some more, flirt with BST, clean the house, drink with my girls, obtain an infected thumb and work!

For those who have never worked retail, or retail during the holiday season have no idea how little time to yourself you're allotted. I had no 2 days off in a row, worked until midnight, as well as day before and day after Christmas. Joy. Sadly now, I'm back down to shitty hours. This does insipre one to look around for better, and more stable work. Oh how I long for the 9-5 full time gig. I long for a full weekend. For steady pay, hours, and to not smile at a fat bitch when she calls me an incompetent whore.

So the new year came and went. I did nothing interesting to celebrate. Hung out with The Wife, went to bed early. This means I need to depart this town...very soon...move to the city. Have me some fun.

Seriously people...nothing. You've missed nothing by me not blogging. Well...you've missed things I can not share here. ;)

Weekly special post are making a comeback. I promise!

Happy Hump Day #5

No, you didn't miss out on Hump Day. I didn't write one. Why? Cause I'm a lazy hoe, thats why. On my Hump Day I: worked 8 hours or retail and unpacked freight, cleaned the house, received cramps that feel like I'm being kicked by a horse, witnessed SNOW FLURRIES, wore green pants, and wrote an epic novel. Well the last one isn't true...but it rounded out the sentence well.

While working I was thinking of blog entries I could do, daydreaming of getting fucked 6 ways to Sunday, and how I should make up for not doing a Hump Day. My friend Pretty Lady has to be one of my most quoted friends. The stuff she thinks up! Classics I tell you. Well maybe not classics, but they crack me up. And since I'm the sharing type I saved a few quotes from her JUST FOR YOU. Because I CARE.

• "I just tried to remember what I did in elementary through most of high school, and I can't. WTF. I wasn't even drinking then"
• "Oh no!! I'm so sorry!! I spilled coke on your dog!!!" (maybe not funny to you but it's my blog and it was fucking hilarious at the time. Fuck you, it still is!)
• "Golfers, oh golfers, when you let your Bloody Marys slosh into the cupholders and over the dash of the cart and it proceeds to creep into every pore and crevasse and crease and solidify in this chill, flecked with pepper and studded with bits of dill pickle and celery, I fight back the urge to use this industrial-strength cleaner on your irises. Just so you know."
• "I get jealous of the people in the Trojan commercials...with their fake sex. I think I will fall into a deep depression. A sex depression. Depresexion."
• "Lonely Vagina Syndrome. Symptoms include: mood swings, irritability, sexual aggression, and poor life choices. Eventual death." (I also recommend you stay sober when you have LVS)

Happy Hump Day #4

Wednesday, October 28th, 2009. Yet again another hump day. But I can’t really call this Wednesday a bad day. This week has yet to truly suck. Sure some things went down…but that happens. I’m staying positive.

Why doesn’t this Wednesday suck you ask? Because I had 4 days off, including Monday. I spent my weekend with Preggers, Pretty Lady, Soldier Boy and my family. Dinners, movies, light shopping, playing and becoming obsessed with Fable II on Xbox (I now officially need a Xbox). I squeezed as much good times in my mini vacation as I could. So when I went back to work on Tuesday, in the afternoon, it didn’t suck. It was like Monday…but a it came on a non-shitty Tuesday afternoon. Ya know? Does that make sense? Maybe not…either way it didn’t suck. But I work retail, and our late hours start November 1st. Now THAT sucks. But that should mean more hours for me, which equals more money, which equals me not becoming a Lady of the Night. I know you’re disappointed.

For those who are having a shitty week…I’m sorry. Let me provide a little comic relief. Yes I know nudes and/or tits would make it better…but….too bad! That’s a Saturday thing.

So as you know I'm an Ohio girl. And I'm one of the few that actually loves living in Ohio. I live in rural Ohio, with all the Amish. Pimp...I know. So when I saw this, I lol'd cause it so very true. The rest of her stuff is pretty damn awesome. Check her gallery out on DevientART.

Let me tell you something...

I'm happy despite this pit of depression. I choose to behave or not to; choose when I'm a good girl or a bad girl. I choose peace over "war" because I can't stand any more betrayal and pain. I rely and trust in no one cause I learn from my mistakes; and yet everyone rely and trust in me. I choose the hard way when something simple is standing in front of me, with hands groping for me, reaching out for me, because I'm stubborn and hopeless. I wait for it patiently, but complain all the while. I run wild, but always come home to you and my own bed; whether you're there keeping it warm or its cold once again. I'm random when it's appropriate. I follow up but don't follow through. I write in sharpie but carry white-out. I'm loved but alone. Alone but not lonely. Forgiving but not forgetful. I'm your dream girl but I'll never be yours. The best you'll ever have and never get all of it ever again. I live every moment, enjoying the little ones, so that when the big one comes along I'll know how to react. I'm not fucked up, you are. And life is too simple and short to stand so still.

Deal with it friend, love me as I love you, don't let go, and enjoy my ride.

Hump Day #1

Ah yes...Wednesday. Hump Day if you will. The day "full of woe". Named for the Norse god Woden, and the Roman god Mercury. Ok...I'll stop with the history lesson, you can read about it here.

I learned (yesterday, but its just now setting in) that Solder Boy is going off to war in about a year. Next weekend he go through mobilization training and before you know it he'll be playing medic with infantry up in Northern Afghanistan. I am not a happy camper. Yes, I know we're not a couple anymore, but he'll always have that little bit of my heart. He is my best friend and first love. No one else knows me better than him right now. I don't even want to think about what happens if...

Anywho, since wednesday is known to be a Debbie Downer I thought I'd post something fun and uplifting. And since Zaccy the Soldier Boy is leaving in a year (it will fly by) I went with a military theme.

P.S: I'm a dirty, liberal, hippie (which Zac makes fun of, its amusing, but I shower thus am attractive). War is bad, but I love our soldiers. And I love this website.