Blah blah..Oh look!! Something adorable!

I keep telling myself to sit down with my laptop, get comfortable, and write a damn blog entry. Then I convince myself that its pointless to do so since I have nothing to write about. And yet here I am. Writing about nothing. Rambling about...nothing.

Well, since April 30th, I've gone on vacation, worked as much as fucking corporate will allow me, did housewifey things (a girl has gotta practice), gardened, went to the county fair, made homemade pickles, and canned potatoes. Interesting huh? Its not, I know.

Oh!! I just thought of something! Last night, while drinking at the bar with some friends, I came to realize that I'm  extremely dirty, and yet adorable and innocent. Example; We're discussing porn, sex, and curing women's "Hysteria" during the Victorian age (cause we're dirty-minded history nerds). I turn and see a puppy-dog. Mid-sentence, I transform into the girliest 10 year old ever. The estrogen knob is turned up to 11 (kek), and I exclaim "Look at the puppy!" in such a high bitch squeal that the said puppy's ears would bleed. Which would be super sad, mind you. Puppy is fine, don't worry. It was a block away. Maybe this is why my 12 year old puppy is deaf now...hmm...   Back to my story! Immediately after my outburst, with no segueway, I return to the current subject of sex and prostution in Antient Greece. To much amusement of my friends. My closest friends are used to this, but still entertained by it all.

I have no real ending to that story. Saw a few more doggies, above reaction was repeated.

Next week: The County Fair and Deep Fried Deliciousness

Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!!

Writers block....I haz it. Have had it. I blame Mercury. And the full moon. And Chuck Norris. In the meantime read my tweets, and drool over the pics in re-blog on my new Tumblr! (Like the one below)

St. Valentines Day

Also known as; buy me some flowers, gimmie something shiny, maybe some candy, and a nice dinner...you might get some pussy. (The real thing)

Hell, it would work on me. But the man prolly got pussy from me last night, and will get some tomorrow just because I like to give it up. This year no pussy will be had. Instead I went out with my girl, got some Indian food, flirted with the waiter, did some bar hoppin, saw a band, chilled at a friends house and fell asleep around 3am. I'd say it didn't totally suck. I would have enjoyed ending the night with a boy, but my newly named Doc Johnson toy, Jacques, will do just fine. God damn do I love that thing.

Enjoy your Sunday all. Have a sexy pic =)

Happy Hump Day #7

Do I really have to tell you again how much I hate retail? I think not.

Its Wednesday y'all. Hump day. Actually its almost over...get your hump on before it's over! It's all downhill until Friday. Then it'll drag by like Christmas eve when you were 5 years old. I will not be getting my hump on. I will be posting this entry, watch some basic cable, use Gino, and go to bed.

Its been a crazy week. And not in a fun way. Last night I was messin on the intertubes and found these. Pretty much made it all better. That it my gal-pal sending me this ringtone. I almost pissed myself laughing.

So silly, cracks my shit up.

Can't deny the truth.

But I do...and you prolly do. Geek.

And my favorite one of the night...

You're welcome.

Show Me Your Teeth

This is my obligatory New Year/Resolution Making/Year In Review/Reflection Of The Past blog post. Doo-da. Ma-jigger. Thing.

• Move out
• Full time job
• Car
• Read more

The End.

Oh and my birthday was something like...2 weeks ago. I spent the weekend drunk with some awesome people. Irish car bombs; my new favorite drink. I chug like a lady. Zac couldn't be there. I was sad. Weekend fun-ness with him is coming up tho! Been too long since I've seen my Boy.

Awww yea... balloon animals

Funny shit coming your way tomorrow. Be prepared.

P.S: Its fap-central here. Ima bout to rape someone.

Sexy Saturday #8

If I wasn't so lazy and last minute...I would have found you something much better than what I'm bring you tonight. But its better to have something, to get back into the groove of things, rather than nothing at all.

This Saturdays sexiness is brought to you by Hawtness Blog - The Women of WTF. A few of my favorites that I've saved. More artistic over random hawtness. Well...the last one is kinda random. Ya know what...no! Its not random...she's fucking adorable!! So...suck it. Or don't...whatever is cool =)

Miss me?

Yes, I know, I'm a horrible blogger. Have you been pondering what I've been up to? Well; work, work, sleep, masturbate, Vikings, running away, coming back, hopeless devotion, daydreaming, eat, work, masturbate some more, flirt with BST, clean the house, drink with my girls, obtain an infected thumb and work!

For those who have never worked retail, or retail during the holiday season have no idea how little time to yourself you're allotted. I had no 2 days off in a row, worked until midnight, as well as day before and day after Christmas. Joy. Sadly now, I'm back down to shitty hours. This does insipre one to look around for better, and more stable work. Oh how I long for the 9-5 full time gig. I long for a full weekend. For steady pay, hours, and to not smile at a fat bitch when she calls me an incompetent whore.

So the new year came and went. I did nothing interesting to celebrate. Hung out with The Wife, went to bed early. This means I need to depart this town...very soon...move to the city. Have me some fun.

Seriously people...nothing. You've missed nothing by me not blogging. Well...you've missed things I can not share here. ;)

Weekly special post are making a comeback. I promise!

The Wind has no Destination

Holy fuck balls....has it been that long since I've updated?! I deserve a spanking. Yes! A spanking! And then the oral sex!! (yay Monty Python reference. I'm a nerd...but hot. You want me.)

Coming soon to The Blog:

• Vikings
• Metal
• Sex
• Porn
• Christmas
• Retail
• Maybe a review

Stay tuned. <3

Happy Hump Day #6

Good God I've been a horrible blogger. And know why? Cause I'm lazy. Its that simple. I could pull some excuse out of my sweet, sweet ass like; "I was busy", and I will. Well I was ok!! I was busy beating Plants vs Zombies (OMG SO MUCH FUN), working retail during THE HOLIDAY SEASON (shoot me in the face), trying to keep some sort of order of the house, AND somehow have a social life. On top of all that I was dumb and agreed to work extra hours and Thanksgiving day. But I get time in a half, a gift card, and they provide lunch. Yay money!!

So can you forgive me world? Would you feel better if I posted some hot pics and things to make you giggle? Yeah? Ok then, I will.

Click photos to make em bigger. Durh. And have a Happy Hump Day!

Oh and P.S: STAR TREK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Hump Day #5

No, you didn't miss out on Hump Day. I didn't write one. Why? Cause I'm a lazy hoe, thats why. On my Hump Day I: worked 8 hours or retail and unpacked freight, cleaned the house, received cramps that feel like I'm being kicked by a horse, witnessed SNOW FLURRIES, wore green pants, and wrote an epic novel. Well the last one isn't true...but it rounded out the sentence well.

While working I was thinking of blog entries I could do, daydreaming of getting fucked 6 ways to Sunday, and how I should make up for not doing a Hump Day. My friend Pretty Lady has to be one of my most quoted friends. The stuff she thinks up! Classics I tell you. Well maybe not classics, but they crack me up. And since I'm the sharing type I saved a few quotes from her JUST FOR YOU. Because I CARE.

• "I just tried to remember what I did in elementary through most of high school, and I can't. WTF. I wasn't even drinking then"
• "Oh no!! I'm so sorry!! I spilled coke on your dog!!!" (maybe not funny to you but it's my blog and it was fucking hilarious at the time. Fuck you, it still is!)
• "Golfers, oh golfers, when you let your Bloody Marys slosh into the cupholders and over the dash of the cart and it proceeds to creep into every pore and crevasse and crease and solidify in this chill, flecked with pepper and studded with bits of dill pickle and celery, I fight back the urge to use this industrial-strength cleaner on your irises. Just so you know."
• "I get jealous of the people in the Trojan commercials...with their fake sex. I think I will fall into a deep depression. A sex depression. Depresexion."
• "Lonely Vagina Syndrome. Symptoms include: mood swings, irritability, sexual aggression, and poor life choices. Eventual death." (I also recommend you stay sober when you have LVS)